Terms For Masturbation

A little five on one

Abuse the fuse

Adjust your set

Anger the cobra

Anger the pickle

Answer the bone-a-phone

Appease the cheese

Arm-wrestle the one eyed champ

Asexual reproduction



Ax the timber

Badger the witness

Bag that ass up

Bait the mast

Bake cream cakes

Bake the cheese

Banana squeezing

Bang yourself

Bank off shoot goo

Bash the bishop

Baste the turkey

Battle the Cyclops

Be a loner

Beat it

Beat off

Beat Pedro

Beat the banger

Beat the beef

Beat the bishop

Beat the bologna

Beat the hog

Beat the meat

Beat the monkey

Beat the morning wood (like every good boy should)

Beat the one eye snake

Beat the one eyed monster

Beat the rat

Beat the red-headed cock-eyed woodpecker

Beat the shit

Beat the stepchild

Beat the stick

Beat the weasel

Beat up shorty

Beat your cock

Beat your gorilla

Beat your pud

Beat your skin

Beatin' the baby batter

Beef the jerky


Ben your Franklin

Bend the banana

Bitch-slapping your stomper

Blind the one eyed monster

Blow a wad

Blow the ceiling

Blow up

Blow wad

Blow your load

Blow your nose

Boff up

Bollock milking

Bop the boa

Bop the bologna

Bounce Tigger

Bounce your balls

Box Oscar

Box the clown

Box the Jesuit

Bringin' ya milk

Buff the bullet

Buff the pickle

Burp the baby

Burp the frog

Burp the worm

Bust a Nut

Busting the left nut instead of the right one

Butter the corn

Call the captain

Caress your zesty zambonie

Chafe the squirtgun

Charm the python

Charm the snake

Checkin' the Ol' Dipstick



Choke the bishop

Choke the chicken

Choke the Choir Boy

Choke the chubby

Choke the monkey

Choke the one eyed snake

Choke the Pope

Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse

Choke the unemployed


Churn butter

Churn seed

Circle jerk

Clean the clock

Clean the pipes

Clear the snorkel

Club the cucumber

Cock blockin

Cock pulling

Cock smack

Cock snot

Come to daddy

Corralling the tadpoles

Crank it

Crank one out

Crank the cable

Crank the crane

Crank the gear

Crank the one-eyed yogurt thrower

Cream the cake

Croke the frog

Crown the bishop

Cruzin' then Oozin'

Cuff the carrot

Cuff the carrot

Cuff the monkey

Cum and go

Cum on self

Cum on your tum


Curl the honey

Daily duties

Dancing around the maypole

Dancing with Mother Knuckle and her five daughters

Dancing with the one eye sailor

Dangle the Donkey

Date Palmela Handerson

Date Paula and her 4 sisters

Date Rosie Palmer and her five sisters

Date with Rosie bone and her five sisters

Deal cards

Deload the gun


Destroying the slots machine

Diddle your bob

Do a load by hand.

Do Mary Palm and her 5 sisters

Do shoupa shoupa

Do the dishes

Do the janitor thing

Do the Johnson and ball dance

Do yourself

Dog off

Doing the Palm sisters

Dong around

Donkey punch

Double Clicking The mouse

Dr. Spankenstein Time

Drain the dragon

Drain the lizard

Drain the pipes

Drain the snake

Drain the vein

Drill for oil

Drop a load before work.

Drop the chalupa

Drop the kids off at the pool.

Duke your Jim

Eat the egg

Empty the banana

Empty the pipes

Empty your gunbarrel

Erupt old faithful

Erupt the volcano

Exhaust the camel

Exorcise your demons

Extra long shower

Fake fuckin'

Favorite household activity

Feed the donkey

Feeding the chickens

Feel it up

Fiddle the ferret

Fight one-eyed Willy

Fight the one eyed purple warrior

Fight the one-eyed monster

Fight the purple helmet warrior

Fight with Tarzan

Fill up your belly-button

Fire out the hole

Fire the cannon

Fire the flesh musket

Fire the pistol

Fire the surgeon general

Firing a shot from the grassy knoll

Fist fucking

Fist rocket



Fisting your cock

Five against one

Five finger disco

Five finger shuffle

Five fingered widow

Five knuckle shuffle

Five on one

Five versus Willy

Five-fingered humpty hump love pump

Five-fingered wife

Fix the clogged drain

Flick your dick

Fling the pudding

Flog the Bishop

Flog the doggie

Flog the dolphin

Flog the dummy

Flog the hog

Flog the log

Flog the man

Flog the mule

Flog the one eyed gopher

Flog the ore

Flog the sailor

Flog your log


Fly solo

Fondle the dolphin

Fondle the frankfurter

Fondle the sausage

Foreskin mambo

Frag your snag

Free the captive ninja

Free Willy

Freshen the air

Friction burn

Frighten the blue veined custard chucker

Fry the chicken

Fry the egg

Fuck the chicken

Fuck the udder

Fuck your cock

Fuck your fist

Fuck your hand

Fuck yourself

Fucking for one

Fucking mother thumb and her 4 daughters

Fumble your frank

Get a handle on things

Get a hold of yourself

Get off

Get some me time

Get sticky

Get the job done

Get to know yourself

Give the dog a bone

Give the dog a walk

Giving Kojak the third degree

Giving yourself a helping hand

Go and have a slap

Go at it

Go blind

Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork

Go for a spoof

Go nut

Grab the gusto

Grab the handle

Grab the meat

Grapple the gorilla

Grease the Pole

Grease the rod

Grease the wheel

Great thoughts

Greet Mr. Happy

Greet the bishop

Greeting Madam Palm and her 5 lovely daughters

Grind the gopher

Grind the groundhog

Groom the Wookie

Ham shank

Hammer the lumber

Hammer the helmet head

Hand fuck

Hand happy

Hand hold

Hand humpin'

Hand jive

Hand sex

Hand shandy

Hand Start the Yogurt Shooter

Hand to Gland combat

Hand to gland combat

Hand, dick co-ordination

Handle the merchandise

Handy sandy

Handy Shandy

Hans Solo

Harass the milkman

Have a Barclays (Barclays Bank -- WANK - rhyming slang)

Have a chug

Have a frapp

Have a tug

Have a tug of war with Cyclops

Have a wank

Have fun

Have sex with someone you love

High-five Yule Brenner

Hip the hop

Hit the mitt

Hitch-hike to heaven

Hold the knob

Hold the man

Hold your baseball bat

Hold your sausage hostage

Home alone


Hone the bone

Hump the hand

Hump the Hebrew

Hump the knob

Hump the matress

Idle hands

Impregnate the air

Increase the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon using rapid linear motion

Inside Slider with two balls

Interrogate the prisoner

Interrogate the witness

Introduce Mr. Penis to Mrss Palm and her five lovely daughters

Jack off

Jack the beanstock

Jack the frank

Jack yo mac

Jedi train in the bathroom

Jerk and clean

Jerk around

Jerk it

Jerk off

Jerk pud

Jerk the beef

Jerk the chain

Jerk the cum

Jerk the general

Jerk the Johnson

Jerk the monkey

Jerk the one-eyed snake

Jerk the pet

Jerk you shit

Jerk your chain

Jerk your gherkin

Jerkin' the gherkin

Jingle the Pringles

Jingle your bone


Jock the sock

Jog the joker

Josh one off

Juggle the balls

Jump the pogo stick

Just getting dressed

Just going up to the office to use the photocopier

Just gonna go lay down and take a nap...

Just gonna go take a bath...

Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all...

Keepin' the mortar clean

Kill the gentleman

Kill the Mr. Tingley

Kneading the bread

Knob thumping

Knock one off

Knock one off

Knock the rock

Knuckle shuffle

Launch the hand shuttle

Launch the rocket

Lead pedro down the road of bulimia

Leak the lizard

Let Elvis leave the building

Let loose the juice

Lift your spirit

Lighting the Roman Candle

Liquidate inventory

Log off

Log the lumber


Lope the mule

Lope the mule

Love yourself

Lube the tube

Lubricate the Lutheran

Magic your Johnson

Make a deposit

Make cream

Make friends with the lizard

Make instant icing

Make it spit

Make it useful

Make junior vomit

Make love to Miss Michigan

Make one on one love

Make one-eye cry

Make Peter puke

Make stomach pancakes

Make the bald guy puke

Make the bald guy puke

Make the Cyclops cry

Make the Cyclops fight the 5 headed monster

Make the Cyclops spit

Make the funny juice flow

Make the one eyed monster puke

Make the privates stand at attention, then fall in

Make the snake puke

Make your own hand lotion

Makin babies

Mangle the moose

Manipulate your manhood

Marry the moose

Massage my palm

Massage my stiff joint

Massage out the stiffness

Massage the salami

Massage the soul

Massage your balls

Massage your clovers

Meat off


Meet Mother Palm and her five daughters

Meet the neighbors

Meet the President

Milk it

Milk Murray

Milk the beef

Milk the cock

Milk the cow

Milk the goat

Milk the hose

Milk the lizard

Milk the Magnesia

Milk the Mickey

Milk the one eyed trouser snake

Milk the one-eyed snake

Milk the one-uttered cow

Milk your meat

Milk yourself

Molest the bystander

Money comes out

Monkey dance

Move the joystick

Mr. Happy and his five friends have a party.

Mrs. palmer and her 5 daughters

My Wife

Nuke the whale

Number 3

Oil the barber pole

Oil the barrel

Oil the Crank

Oil the noodle

One hand work out

One handed pole vault

One man and a hand

One man show

Our Gang Spanky Marathon

Paddling the pony

Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace

Paint the ceiling

Paint the wall

Palm loving

Pamela Handerson

Pan for white gold

Party for one

Pat the monkey

Pat the Robertson

Pay bills

Pay the pope

Peel the banana

Peel the carrot

Peeling chilies

Pet the bald eagle

Pet the donkey

Pet the ghurkin

Pet the one eyed monster

Pet the one eyed snake

Pet the one-eyed gopher

Pet the potato

Pet the snake

Pet the Willy

Pet your third leg

Pickle your peter

Pimp pump

Piston pushing

Play a solo on my private organ

Play ball with the boys

Play five on one

Play golf

Play peek-a-boo alone

Play pocket pool

Play skin Banjo

Play solitaire

Play the bag pipe

Play the meat pipe

Play the skin flute

Play tug of war with Cyclops

Play with Burt Reynolds mustache

Play with Fistina

Play with Fred

Play with lil' Elvis

Play with Mr. Panky

Play with myself

Play with Peter

Play with Pikachu

Play with Rosey Palm

Play with the pud

Play with the purple headed yogurt slinger

Play with Wally

Play with Willy the wonder worm

Play with your cock and balls

Play with yourself

Play your guitar

Play Zelda

Pluck the ducky

Pluck the mushroom

Pocket billiards

Pocket fishing

Pocket pool

Polish Lord Helmet

Polish the baton

Polish the bishop

Polish the candlestick

Polish the dolphin

Polish the helmet

Polish the knob

Polish the Ol' Torpedo

Polish the one eyed gopher

Polish the one eyed weasel

Polish the Papal Podium

Polish the pewter

Polish the piston

Polish the pope

Polish the shaft

Polish the silver

Polish the sword of happiness

Polish the torpedo

Polish your Oscar

Polish your pipe

Polish your rocket

Polish your whistle

Polishing the periscope

Pop the head

Pop the pistol

Pop the top off the Champaign bottle

Portuguese pump

Pound off

Pound the flounder

Pound the hammer

Pound the pony

Pound the pud

Powder your nose

Prime the pump handle

Prune the shroom

Pud pulling

Pud whacking


Pull a quickie

Pull and squirt

Pull dinky

Pull it

Pull it hard

Pull Nixon's nose

Pull off

Pull one off

Pull one out of the bag...

Pull pud

Pull Stretch Armstrong

Pull the chain

Pull the cord

Pull the dog's tail

Pull the fun lever

Pull the goalie

Pull the meat

Pull the noodle

Pull the pickle

Pull the pig

Pull the pipe

Pull the plowman

Pull the Polish pork

Pull the pork

Pull the turkey

Pull your plumb

Pull your pud

Pull your toy

Pull your wire

Pulling your Yankee Doodle


Pump jacks

Pump mini me

Pump sperm

Pump the balls

Pump the Pole

Pump the watergun

Pump your gun

Pump your pud

Pump'n the water rocket

Punch the clown

Punch the eclair

Punch the monkey

Punch the munchkin

Punish Percy in the palm

Punish the evil merchant

Puppy whacking

Pushing the envelope

Put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college

Putting Mayonnaise On The Garlic Bread

Ram the rod

Rattle the one eyed snake

Ream the one eyed semen demon

Release some steam

Release the hounds

Release the pressure

Release the valves

Relieve your sperm bank

Relieving a little tension

Relish up the hot dog

Remove the rust

Ricky Wrestling

Ride the big dipper

Ride The Dolphin

Ride the rod

Ride to heaven

Ring your cock

Rinse on


Rod yankin

Roll dice

Rolling the dough

Rope the mule

Rope your goat

Rough up the little man

Rough up the suspect

Row the boat

Rub a dub dub

Rub it silly

Rub one off

Rub one out

Rub the button

Rub the faucet

Rub the fireman's helmet

Rub the knob!

Rub the magic lamp

Rub the pipe

Rub the rhubarb

Rub the rod

Rub the sausage

Rub the tool

Rub your monkey

Rub your nub


Run off a batch

Salute the flag pole

Salute the general

Salute the scumlord

Sausage stroking

Say hello to Mr. Happy

Say hello to the colonel of love

Say hi to your monster

Scramble the sausage

Scrub the deck

Self deflation

Self diddle

Self fuck

Self fucking

Self gratification

Self indulgence

Self motivation

Self service

Self sex



Sex with da hands

Sex with Simon

Shag your shank


Shake hands w/the unemployed

Shake hands with a pole

Shake hands with Abraham Lincoln

Shake hands with Ben Franklin

Shake hands with Elvis

Shake hands with Mr Peeper

Shake hands with the ambassador of love

Shake hands with the devil

Shake hands with the governor

Shake hands with the one eyed milk man

Shake hands with the president

Shake hands with the sheriff

Shake hands with the unemployed

Shake hands with the wife's wedding present

Shake hot, white coconuts from the veiny love tree

Shake it

Shake my finger

Shake off

Shake the bottle

Shake the goo off

Shake the grapes

Shake the old man

Shake the pepperpot

Shake the snake

Shake the snake

Shake with the tall guy

Shake your fist angrily at your ex-girlfriend

Shake your martini

Shakin' the bacon

Shaking hand with Colonel Sanders

Shampoo the carpet

Shampoo the moose

Sharpen the pencil

Shift with the manual transmission

Shine the bishop

Shine the car

Shine the helmet

Shine the pole

Shine the spear

Shine the telescope

Shine the wood

Shine your salami

Shock the monkey

Shoot for pearls

Shoot hoops

Shoot old yeller

Shoot putty at the moon

Shoot putty at the moon

Shoot the gun

Shoot the plane

Short-arm stroking

Shroom pullin'

Shuck the corn cob

Shuck the cornstalk

Sin dirty with thy self

Siphon the python

Skin the sarge

Skin the sausage

Skin your frank

Slam the ham

Slam the stick

Slap little Johnny behind the German helmet

Slap spanky

Slap the bishop

Slap the carrot

Slap the dick

Slap the dummy

Slap the ham

Slap the salami

Slap the salmon

Slap the sausage

Slap the stick

Slap you cock

Slay the dragon

Slick the stick

Slime the salamy


slippin' salami


Slobbin' the Milosevich


Smack baldy on the head

Smack my pud

Smack off

Smack the burrito

Smack the salami

Smack your monkey

Smelly jelly making

Smoke the turkey

Sneak a wink at wiggly

Sock the cock

Solo serve

Spank frank

Spank frank

Spank it

Spank it

Spank Milo

Spank off

Spank one

Spank that ass

Spank the chicken

Spank the dolphin

Spank the hotdog

Spank the money

Spank the monkey

Spank the old lady

Spank the pup

Spank the sausage

Spank the Spam

Spank your love life

Spank your monkey

Spank your pud


Spanky's Revenge

Speed shifting

Spend time with an old friend

Spewin' a white one

Spill milk

Spin the dreidel

Spit da' sperm

Spit shine the knob

Splish Splah


Sporting the tent

Spraying the belly with sticky white love-piss

Spunk the monkey

Spunk up

Squeeze a few rounds off on the pump action shotgun

Squeeze cheese

Squeeze off a load

Squeeze one off

Squeeze the big guy

Squeeze the Charmin

Squeeze the Cyclops

Squeeze the duck's head

Squeeze the juice out the head

Squeeze the lemon

Squeeze the sausage

Squeeze the squid

Squeeze the tomato

Squeeze the Twinkie

Squeeze you lizard

Squirt the Bert

Squish the squid

Stain the mitt

Start the engine

Start the lawnmower

Stick it

Stick shifting


Stoke the Strokin' stack

Strangle the bishop

Strangle the one-eyed trouser snake

Strangle the snake

Strangle the snake

Strangle the warrior

Stress reliever

Stretch it

Stretch one out

Stretch the salami

Stretching the truth

Strike oil

Strip the bark


Stroke it

Stroke off

Stroke that big thing

Stroke the chicken

Stroke the choad

Stroke the cock

stroke the crank

Stroke the ding-dong

Stroke the dolphin

Stroke the donkey

Stroke the longhorn

Stroke the manroot

Stroke the monkey

Stroke the mushroom

Stroke the oar

stroke the one-eyed snake

Stroke the poke

Stroke the puppy

Stroke the salami

Stroke the salami

Stroke the schlong

Stroke the shaft

Stroke the slug

Stroke the Snake

Stroke the stick

Stroke the strudel

Stroke the stump

Stroke the weasel

Stroke the yoke

Stroke your cock

Stroking the dog

Stroking the fireman

Stroking the flagpole

Struggle for life

Strum the drum

Strum your guitar

Summon the jizz

Swat off

Swing the balls

Swing the thing

Tackling the totem

Take a load off

Take a ride on the slip n' slide

Take a squirt

Take batting practice

Take Capt Solo on the Kessel Run

Take Captain Picard to Warp Speed

Take care of a big problem

Take care of business

Take matters in hand

Take the edge off

Take the sausage hostage

Take your banana boat to tuna town

Tame the beast

Tame the one eyed spitting snake

Tame the shrew

Tame the vein

Taming the purple headed warrior

Tantalizing your toboggan

Tap a teste

Teach the dog a lesson

Teach the monkey

Tease the weasel

Tease to please

Teasing one out

Tenderize the meat

Tenderize the pork

Tenderize the steak

Test the probe

Test the purple headed yogurt thrower

Thawing the meat

The gentle handshake

The ol' 5 against 1

The penis pull

The right hand maneuver

The sofa

The twist

Thelma Thumb and her four sisters

Think of your mom

Thump the stump

Thumping the stump

Tickle the angus

Tickle the meat curtains

Tickle the peter

Tickle the pickle

Tickle the tentacle

Tickle the tiger

Tip the hat

Tommy Tank

Toot the horn

Torture little Timmy

Torture the monkey

Toss off

Toss the salad

Touch the toucher

Touch yourself

Train the chicken

Train the purple-headed warrior

Tug the handle

Tug the tassel

Tug the turkey

Tug your rope

Tugging the boat

Tug-O-War With Cyclops

Turn Japanese

Tweak your tool.

Twiddle the bone flute

Ugly Man Sex



Unload your gun

Unsheathe the meat sword

Up and down

Use the joystick

Vex the vicar

Vice grip

Virgin Love

Visit the petting zoo

Vote Republican

Wag it

Wag the dog

Walk the dog

Wang chungin

Wang off


Wank and crank

Wank it

Wank off

Wank the monkey

Wank the pud

Wank the sock

Wank the wanker

Wank the willy

Wank your shank

Wankin and spankin

Wanky panky

Wash the Buick

Wash the rod

Watch some pooh

Wax the Bat

Wax the bishop

Wax the carrot

Wax the chrome

Wax the dolphin

Wax the flagpole

Wax the frog

Wax the ol' Torpedo

Wax the pole

Wax the weasel

Wax the willie

Wax the Winnebago

Weenie whacking

Wet the whistle

Whack it

Whack jack

Whack off

Whack off like a red-headed stepchild

Whack the Chalupa

Whack the pole

Whack the pud

Whack the rod

Whack the weasel

Whack the wizard

Whack the wood

Whack your wack

Whackin winky

Whacking it

Wham the bone

Wheel it

Whip it

Whip pud

Whip the noodle

Whip the weenie

Whip up some baby batter.

Whippin' cream

Whipping' it good

Whipping the skippy

White Water Wristing

White water wristing

Whittle the wood

Whoop the mule

Whoop your pudd

Wind up the cock clock

Wind your sun dial

Windsurf on Mt. Baldy

Withdraw from the spankbank

Work out the third leg

Workin' it

Working the wiligger

Wrestle the bald head champion

Wrestle the champ

Wrestle the turkey

Wrestle with Jimmy

Wrestle with the one eyed champ

Wrestle with the one-eyed monster

Wrestle with the one-eyed-trouser snake

Yank off

Yank the chain

Yank the crank

Yank the dog

Yank the plank

Yank the sausage

Yank the Yankee

Yankie the Wankie

Yolk the egg

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Phone: 0418 922 500
Perth, Western Australia